#159: Subtle-Superiority Strategy, Strategic Umbrage & Disraeli’s Dictum
3 Ideas in 2 Minutes on Complaining More Strategically
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I. Subtle-Superiority Strategy
There’s a certain irritating behaviour to which it’s hard to object. Imagine a colleague who subtly signals their supposed superiority by being chronically late and always having an excuse and an apology at hand. Confronting them directly could backfire. Bestselling author Robert Greene suggests the Subtle-Superiority Strategy instead:
You must pay attention to the pattern more than the apologies. They are not really sorry.
Daily Law: If this is chronic behaviour, you must not get angry or display over irritation — passive aggressors thrive on getting a rise out of you. Instead, stay calm and subtly mirror their behaviour, calling attention to what they are doing, and inducing some shame if possible.
—Robert Greene, The Daily Laws
II. Strategic Umbrage
In a negotiation, taking offence is usually not a winning strategy. Unless you’re using Strategic Umbrage:
[W]hen someone puts out a ridicolous offer, one that really pisses you off, take a deep breath, allow a little anger, and channel it — at the proposal, not the person — and say, “I don’t see how that would ever work.”
Such well-timed offenen-taking — known as “strategic umbrage” — can wake your counterpart to the problem. […]
The real lesson here is being aware of how this might be used on you. Please don’t allow yourself to fall victim to “strategic umbrage”.
—Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference
III. Disraeli’s Dictum
Former British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli went even further. With four simple words, he coined a public relations and reputation management strategy I’d like to call Disraeli’s Dictum:
Never complain, never explain.
―Benjamin Disraeli
Today, this strategy is commonly associated with Britishness and the Royal Family. The reason is that complaining makes you seem weak and without agency; especially if you’re in a position of power. Plus, explaining yourself is often indistinguishable from making excuses. So keep your composure and get on with it. 🐘
Have a great week,
Chris
themindcollection.com